Verify benefits

Call Us Today: 806.412.4721

Abusive Relationship

and Addiction

By Toshia C. Humphries, M.Ed., M.A.

How My Abusive Relationship Led to Addiction

Becoming the Victim of an Abusive Relationship

Was My Abusive Relationship a Pattern

Acceptance vs. Enabling in My Abusive Relationship

A Codependent Fable – Ending an Abusive Relationship

Ready to Recover and End My Abusive Relationship

How My Abusive Relationship Led to Addiction

Fall consists of such joy for most of us. Football games, Halloween, pumpkin everything and festive family holidays. However, it also encompasses Suicide Awareness in September, Domestic Violence Awareness, World Mental Health Day and Mental Health Awareness Week in October.​​​1, 2 This reality gives those of us in recovery cause to reflect on lives lost to addiction, as well as domestic violence, suicide or undiagnosed mental illness and those currently in the throes of Hell. As we know, these very serious issues are not necessarily exclusive. In fact, a great deal of active addicts report experiences with domestic violence, instances and patterns of mental illness in the home—including but not limited to addiction, alcoholism and depression—co-occurring mental illnesses and suicidal thoughts or even attempts. Additionally, given the negative effects of active addiction on the family, the vast majority of us are all too aware of the cycle of addiction and abuse. Many of us—prior to entering recovery—found ourselves the product of one or both cycles. Taking accountability and claiming responsibility for our own lives, we courageously took the first step, erasing our victim mentality and empowering ourselves through active healing. But some of us have only cracked the surface. There will always be another layer to uncover. As an adult child of an addict, raised in an abusive home and co-parented by an untreated adult child of an alcoholic with clinical depression, I can personally attest to that fact, and in honor of those who share a similar experience, I am openly sharing my story. As a child, I witnessed active addiction; a confusing and scary experience for anyone too young to grasp the explanation. But untreated depression was no less damaging. I felt abandoned, emotionally neglected, lonely, fearful, distorted and burdensome. Both illnesses spurred a great deal of anger, frustration, irritability, shifts in mood, negativity, neglect, verbal and psychological abuse. More importantly, neither depression nor addiction offered a safe place for me to be me, and coupled together, they resulted in suicide attempts and domestic violence.

Becoming the Victim of an Abusive Relationship

I was not visibly battered or bruised, excelled in school, involved myself in extracurricular activities and appeared normal, so I was overlooked by school counselors and other helping professionals. When it came to assessing a need for help, I slipped through the cracks, so to speak, as most children in these situations do. I was a mixture of the Hero and the Lost Child—rarely seen and shining, when in view. Yet, I witnessed terrifying bouts of violence, active addiction and suicide attempts.​​​3 However, other than hand marks across my face, there were no physical signs of damage or injury. So, like a car accident victim with no lacerations, bruises or obvious broken bones, my condition wasn’t viewed as an emergency. But—just as with an auto crash—very serious injuries can be unseen, worsen and be potentially fatal without care. So why didn’t I ask for help? Because I didn’t know I needed it. Denial was a close friend of the family. The psychological and emotional injuries deepened and worsened over time, and I simply learned to distract myself, escape the pain and self-medicate—something passed down from family. Unfortunately, denial, avoidance, escapism and substance abuse weren’t the only dysfunctional behaviors I acquired from family. I had seemingly perfected their same inability to love, honor and protect me. As a teenager, I found myself in an abusive relationship with a star athlete—a popular kid adored by all the girls. But he was also a substance abuser with an undiagnosed mental illness who suffered extreme mood swings and attempted to kill me. In other words, he was strikingly familiar and felt like home to me. My immediately family did nothing to intervene. In fact, they blamed me—an opportune manipulation or way to justify their acts of abuse and shift responsibility to me. Blaming the victim—as we learn in recovery—is characteristic of active addicts and abusers. It’s an attempt to keep people weak and reiterate a destructive message already playing, repeatedly; “It’s your fault. You make people hurt you.”

Was My Abusive Relationship a Part of a Pattern in My Life?

The experience of abuse in relationships was a pattern throughout my life. Active addiction and other untreated mental illnesses—as well as the accompanying dysfunction and abuse—were more familiar to me than sobriety, mental health, personal growth or serenity. In fact, those without an active addiction or untreated mental illness who had a grasp of life skills and healthy coping were honestly boring and certainly foreign to me. It seemed I had learned to navigate in chaos. So much so, I was turned off by calm waters and now subconsciously but actively sought the drama of stormy seas. I didn’t know how to sit comfortably in peace and quiet. In fact, it terrified me. I had not learned to be accepted, loved, nurtured, supported, encouraged, valued, respected and accurately reflected. Then, I hit age 30, and suffered a devastating panic attack which forced me to seek counseling. In the first session, I came to realize something quite profound; the person doing the most damage to myself was me. I was now an adult and no longer being involuntarily subjected to abuse, addiction, dysfunction and chaos by adults, entrusted with my care and responsible for my emotional and physical safety. Instead, I was now knowingly subjecting myself to all those things. My relationship with myself had become the most abusive, and that’s the relationship on which I needed to focus—the one I needed to change. I was fortunate enough to have an amazing counselor who suggested I envision a 5-year-old child sitting next to me. She told me to imagine that child constantly with me, and in every situation, ask myself, “Should this child be hearing or seeing this? Should this child be treated this way?” If the answer was no, it meant I needed to walk away. But it wasn’t just others who posed a threat. I had become my own worst enemy—my own abusive parent to the child within me. I neglected my own emotional needs, starved myself in an effort to be pretty, physically beat myself up by running and working out constantly, criticized myself relentlessly, and so on. I had learned to abuse myself as others abused me and, therefore, continued to seek abusive, addicted and unavailable people because it was all I knew, until I learned something different in counseling.

Acceptance vs. Enabling

Family members and friends of individuals struggling with active addiction often face their own inner battle. It is difficult for parents, partners and peers to witness the self-inflicted pain and suffering. Moreover, the compassionate heart of a parent often seeks to provide unconditional love, support and acceptance, regardless. Spouses feel bound by the vows which state “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” Additionally troubling is the reality friends face of wanting to support, encourage and accept the person they love to avoid adding pain to their destructive process. The idea that being that sort of ride or die friend constitutes true friendship is a dangerous one in most situations. In the case of active addiction, it is deadly. Dr. William Glasser—father of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy—designated acceptance as one of the seven caring habits.​​​​​​4 Alongside trusting, supporting, encouraging, listening, negotiating differences and respecting, accepting is a behavior which nurtures and serves to grow relationships. The seven opposite of these are defined by Glasser as deadly habits and essentially destroy or kill relationships of any category.

Caring Habit or Destructive Pattern

Because the above is true, friends, family and significant others feel they are wrong in refusing to accept the negative behaviors, consequences and resulting chaos created by the individual in active addiction. In fact, they toil over the idea of emotional detachment—the process of letting go—because the terminology and experience seems cruel or lacking in empathy for their loved one.

However, there is a difference between acceptance—a caring habit—and enabling. Enabling is a destructive pattern of behavior which resembles acceptance and other caring habits. But, contrary to its appearance, enabling is not love. It is in fact anti-love because it ultimately serves to keep the individual in active addiction.

Enabling is the process of;

  • supporting, encouraging and accepting destructive, self-sabotaging behavior,
  • repeatedly listening to chronic bouts of victimization typically resulting from self-orchestrated, self-inflicted or self-perpetuated personal drama,
  • trusting the behavior will change regardless of the obvious pattern,
  • attempting to negotiate differences by merely taking a passive stance in the face of addiction’s anger and ego,
  • respecting the privacy—or secrecy—and destructive path of the individual rather than intervening.

Though the root of enabling is clearly prefaced with the seven caring habits, including but not limited to accepting, it does not grow or nurture the relationship or the individual. In fact, enabling kills both.

The only healthy way to practice acceptance with an individual in active addiction and avoid enabling is to simply realize there is a problem which is bigger than the individual. It is one only professional help can address. Rather than accepting the individual’s destructive behavior and resulting chaos, refuse to allow either in your life by suggesting professional help and emotionally detaching until that help is received.

The latter is not a cruel action, nor is it selfish. It is a practice in self-care—setting personal boundaries which protect against dysfunction. Moreover, it is an act of love toward the individual in active addiction because it holds them accountable, attempts to raise them to a higher standard of functioning and ultimately seeks to spur them into healing and recovery.

The Codependent Fable in an Abusive Relationship

A woman was walking along a bridge and noticed a man standing near the edge. As she approached, the man called to her,

“Excuse me, ma’am. Can you please hold this rope for a moment?”

The woman, wanting to be helpful, easily agreed without giving thought to her busy schedule, her destination or the dreams that awaited her on the other side.

“Hold the rope tightly, please,” the man instructed.

She grasped the rope tightly. She began to wonder what exactly her purpose would be, and she became concerned with time. She had a million things to do, all of which would open doors to personal success and long-awaited opportunity. Yet, she made no mention of the time for fear of what the man might think. She wanted to appear helpful, selfless, compassionate and kind.

So, she stood there holding the rope, gripping it tightly.

Suddenly, the man leaped off the bridge. The weight of his body dropping to the depths below pulled her violently to the edge. Stopped only by the safety railing, she found herself staring down at the man who now dangled precariously from the rope she was holding.

Little did she know, while she was thinking about her dreams that awaited her on the other side, the increasing scarcity of time and finding herself perplexed by her obvious need to set boundaries versus her tendency toward people-pleasing, the man was busy affixing the rope to his body. Now, she found herself in charge of this man’s safety. His life was literally hanging in the balance, and the rope to which she was now grasping was his only hope for rescue.

Getting Trapped in a Codependent Relationship

“What have you done?” She screamed. “You must climb up! I cannot hold you. Your weight is too much for me to bear. The rope is slipping. Climb up!”

She tried desperately to cling to the rope, bracing her body against the edge of the bridge, but the fibers were now ripping into the flesh of her hands. Her arms were already noticeably scraped and bloody from the concrete edge on which they now attempted to rest. But the constant pull of the man’s body, as it dangled and swung below, shifted her weight, and with every shift came a painful blow from the concrete’s rough surface.

“Climb up!” She shouted. “I cannot hold you any longer.”

The man stared up at her and screamed,

“You must hold the rope! If you let go, I will fall onto the rocks far below. I will die!”

She began to cry, reeling in the physical pain she experienced with every movement the man’s body made and terrified of the responsibility she now faced.

“I cannot hold you!” She exclaimed. “You are too heavy. I need you to climb up!”

The man stared up at her, seemingly helplessly, and shouted a desperate plea.

Don’t Get Pulled Down by Your Codependent Relationship

“Then tie the rope around your body. I gave you enough length when I first handed it to you—just enough to easily secure me to you. Use your body to bear the weight of mine. Do not let go of the rope. If you do, I will surely die.”

The woman immediately replied,

“If I tie the rope around my body, I could easily be pulled off with you. Besides, I have a million things to do. My dreams await me on the other side. I cannot stand here all day. I cannot hold you forever. You must climb up! You need to think about me and my needs too!”

The man became angry and bellowed,

“You’re the one that agreed to hold the rope! Why are you suddenly upset about it now? This is my life you have in your hands. A life is a bit more important than your to-do list, don’t you think? How could you be so selfish?”

The woman, not wanting to seem heartless and selfish, pulled the few feet of rope that remained on the bridge and carefully wrapped it around her body, tying it tightly to prevent release. The weight of the man’s body instantly cinched the rope to an excruciatingly painful point. It felt as though she was being squeezed in half.

She pleaded with the man, again.

“Please, sir. I need you to climb up! You are killing me!”

Recognizing Codependency and the Start of Recovery

The man gave one final response.

“I will not climb. Why should I? As long as you are holding me, I will not hit the rocky bottom below. Besides, it was your choice to hold the rope, and now it is also wrapped around your body. So, you might want to think twice about angering me. If I decide to throw a fit, that would be truly painful and possibly fatal for you. As such, it seems your life is in my hands now too. You have no choice. Only I do, and I refuse to climb.”

Letting Go of an Abusive Relationship

The woman, hearing those words, knew what she had to do. Valuing her life, the dreams she so wanted and deserved to achieve, she took a deep breath, untied the rope and simply let go.

Ready to Recover My Abusive Relationship

In recovery for what I would come to realize were issues resulting from being an ACOA (Adult Child of an Addict), I discovered the panic attacks from which I had been endlessly suffering were a result of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). The traumas of my childhood and resulting, tumultuous young adult life had left me with a diagnosis shared by soldiers who return from war. That’s what abuse and active addiction is—war, in the home. The exposed and victimized children become products of constant battle, traumatic war scenes and shocking survival tactics, rather than simply having the joy of being a carefree child. Instead of memories, we have flashbacks, and we typically suffer from PTSD, depression, addiction and other mental illnesses, as a result of the horrifying war waged within the abusive and addicted home. It is a cyclical effect. But, of course—as we know—there is hope in recovery from addiction. However, if we’ve survived abuse and/or addiction in our childhood home, we need more than simply treatment for the symptoms of our pain. We must also face the images, feelings and constantly playing messages—residual negative energy—haunting our minds. We must seek the help of a professional—or team of professionals, if necessary—who can guide us through the necessary healing process. There is access to counseling, available through treatment centers and some IOP’s and sober houses—like Stages of Recovery—and provided for the purposes of promoting successful recovery. Support groups, medical treatment for anxiety and depression coupled with therapy not only provides the optimum effect with regard to healing; it helps prevent relapse. But, it’s up to us to reach out and request the additional help, so we can be the change we need and break the vicious cycle. And, like the step we took to get sober, we must first admit there is a deeper problem than merely our addiction; that, in fact, the disease is a symptom of the toxicity to which we were consistently exposed in childhood. We must detox from that too.

Resources

Abusive Relationship and Addiction
Addiction Treatment and Dual Diagnosis Treatment in Lubbock and Waco, TX

READY FOR RECOVERY? WE’RE READY FOR YOU.

We’re committed to fostering unbroken recovery. We provide treatment for addiction and dual diagnosis that is both life-long and life-changing. At Stages of Recovery, our continuum of care helps individuals struggling with addiction become the people they were meant to be.

If you’re looking for a safe recovery program for yourself or someone you know, there is hope. Call us today.

VERIFY BENEFITS
Call Us Today: (806) 412-4721

©2021 Stages of Recovery All Rights Reserved | Privacy Policy | Site Map | Powered by Active Marketing

Cari Renfro

Administrative Director

Cari has worn a variety of hats before coming to Stages of Recovery – in a past life, she was in advertising sales, association management, corporate event planning and property management. Hailing from West Texas, Cari grew up in Midland before attending Texas Tech University. Always creative and an over-achiever, she graduated magna cum laude with a BA in Advertising before moving to Florida for the next seven years. A true Texan at heart, Cari returned to the Lone Star State and pursued a career in property management where she earned national designations in leasing, apartment management and obtained her real estate license. In 2015, she met Stages of Recovery owner Stephen Medley by chance. Recognizing her style and resourcefulness, he challenged Cari to head up the renovation of the men’s Transitional Housing properties in Lubbock and Waco (check them out – they look pretty great if we say so ourselves!). Given her knack for organization and execution, the Stages family officially welcomed Cari in 2020 to assist behind the scenes in administration, operations and marketing – she’s here to make us look good! In her spare time, Cari’s pastimes include cooking, interior design and doting on her Scottish Folds – Birdie and Apollo. 

Words to Live by: 

“Why cope when you can eliminate?”

Rommel Hover, BSW, LCDC-I

Therapist
Lubbock

“Mel” is originally from Angeles City, Philippines. He graduated from Lubbock Christian University with a degree in Social Work. One of the newest clinicians to join Stages in 2020. Mel has over 20 years in Residential inpatient services and is known for his willingness to go above and beyond for others. He is skilled in Mindfulness and serves with a true heart of service. Like many, Mel has had many experiences and challenges in his life that have equipped him to keep pushing forward. These experiences allow him to make deep and meaningful connections with those he helps. When working with clients, he champions the mindset that every human needs three things: TO BE HEARD, TO BE SEEN, AND TO HAVE A SENSE OF PURPOSE. Mel’s motto in life is simply to “Be you” and to not allow anyone or anything to deter you from this. 

Favorite Quote 

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” Bruce Lee 

Cole Watts

COO and Program Director

Cole and Medley founded The Door Sober Living Community together. Cole is the details behind the program. As Program Director, he conceived and implemented The Door concept and has written multiple grants for this program and others. He is talented at blending the nature of business practices into the field of social services. Cole was born and raised in Lubbock and has been in recovery for over ten years, proving that you can get clean in the same town you live in. He is a proud graduate of the Lubbock County Drug Court program and advocates that Drug Courts work. He holds a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees in social work from Texas Tech University. Cole has an inspirational wife, Veronica, and two beautiful children, Eliana and Wyatt. His focus in the company is to make sure that the activities stay true to the spirit of recovery and the mission and vision of the company.  

“I’m passionate about guiding people out of their mental sense of lack and into freedom.”

Stephen O’Dell, CFP®

CFO and Business Development

Stephen O’Dell has been with Stages of Recovery for over 12 years. He has served in many roles as the company has continued to grow. He is currently one of the owners and the CFO. He also does direct business development and admissions for those in need of services. Stephen’s time with Stages began when he was a client learning how to live his new life in Recovery. He began his journey at the young age of 18 with big dreams and goals. Stages of Recovery provided him with the tools, guidance, and community needed to build a life worth living. Stephen later achieved his bachelor’s and master’s degree in Personal Financial Planning in 2016 and 2017 from Texas Tech University, with the help of a scholarship from the Center for Collegiate Recovery Communities (CRC). He went on to get his CFP® Mark (Certified Financial Planner) in 2018. Stephen’s unique personal and his extensive professional experience makes him a great fit to help you and your family navigate the complicated process of finding help for your loved one in need.  

Many people think of Wealth as a monetary value. O’Dell defines Wealth as “The relentless pursuit of a desired lifestyle, and the strategic maintenance of that lifestyle”- Stephen O’Dell. With the help of Stages you and your family can begin to define what your goals are and begin the process of healing together.  

Stephen “Medley”

CEO and Business Development Director

Stephen “Medley” is the founding owner of Stages of Recovery, Inc. and The Door Sober Living Community. A visionary with a passion to help those in recovery, he saw a need in the community and decided to take matters into his own hands. Medley has over twenty years of recovery time. After getting clean at the age of nineteen, he knows firsthand how to show many of our younger clients that it is still possible to have fun in recovery. Medley graduated from Texas Tech University as a member of the Collegiate Recovery Community at the Center for the Study of Addiction and Recovery with a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration. Medley is the leader of the company and an inspiration to all staff members. Medley understands the power of knowing why; why we made poor decisions and the importance of knowing and remembering why we don’t want to make them again.  

“I’m passionate about helping individuals realize and reach their dreams by focusing on their WHY.”  

Anthony McClain

Chief Client Relations Officer, Transitional Living Operations 

A Pennsylvania native, Anthony left home when he was 21 during an active addiction – he thought he had it all figured out. Anthony moved from Wyoming to Montana to Colorado. His addiction progressed, causing him to neglect priorities like relationships, rent, and job opportunities. Eventually, Anthony found himself homeless and broken spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Anthony researched a treatment center in the Dallas area that was able to fly him down to Texas. He was a client there for 57 days. While at treatment, Anthony heard of The Door Sober Living and the recovery that Lubbock had to offer. Anthony took a greyhound to Lubbock and in 2012, Anthony stayed at The Door for six months before moving out. Without The Door’s accountability and structure, he fell back into addictive behavior for several months. Anthony checked into the Ranch at Dove Tree, where he stayed for 30 days. Upon successful completion, Anthony returned to The Door Sober Living on May 19, 2013. This time, Anthony signed a one-year agreement and expressed great willingness to maintain sobriety. In July 2014, when a previous house manager moved in with his fiancé, Anthony was asked to step up and take on his duties. This then, Anthony has grown into the Client Relations House Manager. His continued dedication to recovery and belief in the Stages of Recovery program as a whole led to an opportunity in 2017 to become the fourth owner of Stages. 

Melissa Silva, LCDC-Intern

Clinical Supervisor, Therapist Lubbock

Melissa currently works as a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor-Intern and as the Administrative Director at Stages of Recovery. Along with working at Stages of Recovery, she works with adolescents in the Parent Empowerment Project. She has worked in the recovery field since 2015, with a focus on substance use disorder and helping families heal. She pursued work in addiction because of her academic, professional, and community involvement, as well as her personal experiences. Melissa’s work has allowed her to dive deeper into the field of addiction and recovery and to expose her genuine love for the betterment of other’s lives. Currently, she is a doctoral student at Northcentral University and pursues her degree as a Doctor of Philosophy in Marriage and Family Therapy. Melissa received her bachelor’s degree in Community, Family, and Addiction Sciences at Texas Tech University and her master’s degree in Couple, Marriage, and Family Therapy at Texas Tech Tech. She was a member of The Center for Collegiate Recovery Communities at Texas Tech University.  

“It takes one person to believe in you.”

Lynn Whitfield, LPC

Therapist
Lubbock

Lynn has been an LPC for nearly eight years. By volunteering at the Greater Dallas Council on Alcohol and Drug Abuse, she became interested in addiction and recovery. Her practicum in graduate school included working with veterans and women in recovery through art therapy techniques. Lynn is a member of the National Association of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors and the West Texas Counseling Association. Along with her Marriage and Family Master’s degree, she holds a Master’s degree in art therapy. Lynn’s unique background allows Stage’s clients to introduce and foster creativity throughout their personal recovery. Lynn is a former classroom teacher, grades 1-8.  She is certified in all-level art and counseling. 

Favorite Quote 

“Imagination rules the world.” Napoleon.

Paul Loveless, LCDC, LPC

Therapist
Lubbock

Paul Loveless, LPC, and LCDC graduated from Texas Tech University in 2009 with a BA in Psychology and again in 2012 with a Masters of Education in Community Counseling. Paul works in addiction and recovery because his passion is to help those struggling with addiction find the path to recovery through mental health devices and spiritual guidance. Paul has been working with addictions and in recovery for ten years now and, and he has worked with clients in a dual diagnosis treatment center for over nine years. Paul holds extensive knowledge of the addiction and recovery process, behavioral addictions, and substance abuse issues. He specializes in CBT therapy during his sessions and groups, making him an advantageous part of the Stages clinical team. In his spare time, Paul enjoys camping and playing basketball. Paul is married to a fellow counselor and they share four lovely daughters between them.  

“Spiritual growth, the only serious thing.”

Ashley Loveless, LMSW

Therapist
Lubbock

Ashley Loveless, Licensed Master Social Worker, earned her Bachelor of Arts and Sciences in Social Work and Spanish from Texas Tech University in 2014. Ashley proceeded to obtain a Master of Social Work from Our Lady of the Lake University in 2017. Ashley has been a licensed and practicing LMSW since 2014 and has worked in many private and non-profit sectors including administrative roles, hospice roles, sexual assault counseling, sex-trafficking rescue/counseling, and mental health. She began her career as a Correctional Mental Health Social Worker at Montford State Psychiatric Prison/Hospital in Lubbock, TX in 2014. She has been employed part-time with Stages of Recovery since February 2019 as a Mental Health Counselor, co-leading early recovery groups and taking on individual clients. Ashley works full-time at Hospice of Lubbock as a medical social worker. Ashley and her husband Paul, have four daughters, Sophie, Harper, Sawyer, and Bowen and a dog named Lincoln. Ashley enjoys traveling, yoga, baking, and adventure.  

Averie Holder, LMSW

Therapist
Lubbock

Averie is a graduate from Texas Tech University with her Bachelors of Social Work in 2018 than in 2020 with her Masters of Social Work. Averie has been working within the area of addiction and recovery since August of 2018 when she started her Bachelor of Social Work field practicum with Stages of Recovery. Averie decided to work with addiction and recovery because of her passion for seeing people better themselves. Averie believes everyone can change, and she shows a clear love for being part of the process and empowering individuals along the way. Averie has been in recovery herself since October of 2017. She has two adorable dogs, Rockie and Chewie. In Averie’s free moments, you can catch her spending time with her partner, watching reality TV, or playing video games. 

“I love to get in the trenches with the people that I work with, fight with them for their change. I believe anyone, no matter what they have been through, has the ability to overcome.” 

Stephanie Franklin, LMFT, LCDC

Therapist
Waco

Stephanie moved from her hometown of San Antonio to Lubbock, TX in 2011 to begin a long journey toward self-growth and healing. She graduated from Texas Tech University with Bachelor degrees in Psychology, and Science in Human Development and Family Studies. After a year of work in the chemical dependency field, Stephanie went on to graduate with a Masters in Couple, Marriage and Family Therapy (with a focus in Addiction in the Family) in 2018. After receiving support from countless loving individuals during her struggle with mental illness, it has been Stephanie’s mission to extend the same level of compassion and care to her clients. She believes counseling is a way for individuals, couples and families to share their experiences and pain, and find ways to transform their darkness into light. Stephanie is especially interested in working with adolescents and adults struggling with addiction and substance abuse, at-risk populations, and couples/families. She works from a systemic perspective with all clients; meaning she gathers information about all areas of an individual’s life to assess needs and the effects that each area may have on the others. Looking through a systemic lens offers the ability for individuals to create lasting transformations through self-awareness about their unmet needs in multiple areas. In her personal life, Stephanie spends most of her time with my husband and their five goofball dogs. She’s a PokemonGo, Disney, and Taylor Swift enthusiast and she enjoys creative outlets including make-up artistry, painting and interior design.

Jarrod Bray

Transitional Housing, Men’s
Waco

Jarrod is from Abilene, Texas where he graduated from Abilene Christian University with a BS in environmental science. There he began the journey that ultimately led him to Stages of Recovery. Jared was ruled by the disease of addiction for over 8 years and is now coming up on four years of sobriety. He currently resides in Waco where he found sobriety, peace, freedom, and purpose. Jarrod has worked with kids for the majority of his adult life as an outdoor instructor/guide, as well as recreation staff at countless camps across the US including Texas, North Carolina, and California. In addition to providing support at our Transitional Living community in Waco, Jarrod works as a recreation therapist at Waco Center for Youth where he mentors at-risk youth. He also moonlights as a Disc Jockey all around Texas. 

“I chose to work in recovery because it saved my life. I connect with the guys that come through Stages. The same goes for the kiddos at WCY. I know the feeling of hopelessness and I hope to continue helping others out of that pit. The way of life afforded me through sobriety is something I hope to continue to give back to others as long as I am alive.” 

Favorite Quote: 

“I Understood Myself Only After I Destroyed Myself. And Only In The Process Of Fixing Myself, Did I Know Who I Really Was.” Sade Andria Zabala

Steve Richardson, LMSW, LCDC, CCTS

Therapist
Waco

Steve Richardson is a husband, father, and grandfather. He is also a man in long-term recovery and has a son in recovery as well. Through this journey, few would find it difficult to relate to Steve, making him especially adept at developing relationships with clients and their families. Recovery is so central to his life, that at the age of 52, Steve closed a successful consulting firm and returned to school to become a licensed clinical social worker, as well as a licensed chemical dependency counselor. His education includes a BA in Literature from Texas Tech University, a BS in Psychology at Tarleton State University and a MA in Social Work at the University of Southern California. Along with his extensive education, degrees and training, he brings 50+ years of life experience to every individual, family and group session. Steve believes that no one’s illness should dictate the quality of their future and that their pain and struggle are real. Every addict’s life matters and there is always hope. In other words, no one’s future is carved in stone. His certainly wasn’t. 

Favorite Quote 

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein 

Stacy Hobbs, MSN, APRN

Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP)

Stacy has worked in various positions as psychiatric support staff and administration before going to nursing school. After nursing school, she worked for a Level I Trauma Center in the Emergency Department. She realized how many people suffer from mental health and substance use disorders and felt compelled to return to school to become a PMHNP. In addition to working for Stages, she also has a private practice seeing patients with dual diagnosis. She provides extensive care through evaluation, diagnosis, treatment with medication as well as supportive therapy. Stacy has been in recovery since February 5, 1997. The 12-step rooms in Lubbock and the relationships found in them have been the foundation of her recovery. She grew up in Plainview and lived in Lubbock for many years where she pursued her BSN and MSN at Texas Tech University Health Science Center. Stacy has a deep appreciation for West Texas – it’s part of who she is. She currently lives on a ranch outside of Waco with her husband Larry, of 20 years. They have a daughter and two granddaughters, and a son who is attending Texas Tech University.  

“I felt like God was always calling me to work in mental health, but after I got into recovery, I knew. I love my work and I especially love working with college age patients. If I can make a difference in one person’s life, it has all been worth it! 

Tommy Willis

Group Facilitator
Lubbock

Tommy was raised in Tulia, Texas and is married to his first love, Rosalind. They are volunteers for the state of Texas’ program called “Twogether in Texas”, where engaged couples undergo an eight hour workshop. They dedicate their time as a couple to marriage ministry and outreach in the community. Together they have six children and twelve grandchildren. Tommy has been with Stages of Recovery since 2018. He has a Master’s in Addictions Counseling. He is currently in the process of obtaining his LPC Associate and LCDC licenses. Tommy began his recovery in December 2001. He’s driven to give back to the recovery community after seeing so many friends and family who suffered from addiction lose their lives. His journey hasn’t been easy and if he can help the next man, woman, boy or girl choose a different path than he did, it fills his heart with joy.  

Favorite Quote 

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.” John Wooden

Mechie Scherpereel

business development

Mechie went through Stages of Recovery 10 years ago with the dream of one day obtaining a degree and providing for his daughter. He had his daughter at five months sober and started working as a janitor at Texas Tech University in 2011. After discharging from Stages of Recovery, Mechie received a scholarship at Texas Tech and The Center for the Study of Addiction and Recovery. Not only did he receive his Bachelor’s degree from Texas Tech, he pursued his Masters in 2014. Mechie has committed his life to helping others and lives by the motto that he doesn’t care about their feelings, he cares about their lives. His humble roots, passion to help others, and commitment to being his best self is what we at Stages of Recovery embody! We are ready to make shock waves in recovery with this guy!

Dustin Huckabe

business development

Dustin is in long-term recovery and has been sober since May of 2011. He is from San Antonio, TX and is married to his lovely wife, Emma. They moved to Lubbock, TX where Dustin attended The Center for Collegiate Recovery Communities at Texas Tech University. Upon Emma’s graduation from Texas Tech in May of 2018, they relocated to Moore, OK, where Dustin graduated in 2020 with his bachelor’s degree in Social Work and recently achieved his master’s degree in Social Work from The University of Oklahoma. Dustin is also the recipient of the National Collegiate Recovery Student of the year award in 2019 for his tireless work building a recovery space on campus for students. Dustin was also the BSW student of the year in 2019 as well as a two-time recipient of the Anne and Henry Zarrow Social Justice Award for 2020-2021. Dustin has sat on numerous boards of directors in the Oklahoma community. His passion, education and ability to help others gain a life of purpose and meaning are just a few reasons why we are excited to have him on our team! 

Matthew Vasquez, LCDC-I

Transitional Housing, Men’s
Lubbock

Matt obtained his bachelor’s degree in Addiction Counseling in 2017 and his master’s in 2020 in the same area of study. In 2020 Stages of Recovery welcomed him as an intern which quickly turned into a part-time then full-time position, assisting with groups and transitional housing at the men’s properties in Lubbock. Matt began his journey in counseling because he wanted to help people struggling with the disease of addiction, by being a role model and helping them realize the potential they have in recovery.   

Seeing people succeed in recovery and change their lives for the better fuels Matt to continually offer support and leadership to the recovery community here at Stages. 

“I have experienced the joy and peace that comes with sobriety and want to share that and show others that there is a way out of the darkness that is addiction.” 

Favorite quotes: 

“Pain is certain, Suffering is optional.” Gautama Buddha 

“Don’t compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.” Jordan Peterson

Lora Davis

Transitional Housing, Women’s
Lubbock

Lora heads up the Stages Transitional Living Women’s House in Lubbock as a live-in House Manager. She brings three years of recovery and a deep passion for helping women pursue their own journey of recovery. Originally from Amarillo, TX, she lived there her entire life where she married her highschool sweetheart – they have four children and six grandchildren. In 2017 she moved to Lubbock to begin a residential treatment program. While there, Lora graduated from the facility’s Mentor Program as a support peer. She continued that supportive role as she transitioned to Gina’s House, an all-female sober living program. Soon, she became a House Manager and Senior Peer Advisor where she offered leadership and support to women entering sober living for the first time. In 2019, Stages was seeking a Women’s House Manager and the Director of Gina’s House personally recommended Lora for the job. In her time at Stages, it’s clear that “Mama Lo” earns respect through her dedication and approachable nature at our women’s house. In 2020, she obtained her Certification for Trauma Support Specialist and wishes to pursue further education in trauma counseling to continue helping women in recovery. In her spare time, Lora enjoys crafts, crocheting, jigsaw puzzles and crosswords.

Seaver Richardson

Transitional Housing, Men’s
Waco

Seaver is a certified recovery coach and has worked in the treatment industry for over four years. He was born in Irving, TX and was raised in Grapevine. Seaver has been celebrating sobriety since 2015. He’s highly active in the Waco recovery community as a 12-step sponsor and mentor, and has helped found Waco’s first DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous) meeting. As Chief Client Relations Officer and Lead House Manager at Stages Waco, he works directly with clients on a daily basis, providing them guidance, structure and accountability while helping them develop the coping skills necessary to achieve long-term sobriety. Seaver has completed coursework at Tarrant County Community College, Texas Tech University, and Schreiner University). In addition to working for Stages, he’s a proud son, brother, uncle and dog-dad. 

“My ‘why’ is simple. I want to make a difference. God has allowed me to become a voice for the voiceless. Being able to advocate for other addicts/alcoholics like myself and using my past experiences (good and bad) to help them is the bright spot of my life.” 

Favorite Quote 

“A man’s greatness is not measured by his ability to rise for one shining moment, it is measured by his capacity to remain standing while mired in darkness.” Steve Richardson

Jordan Diaz

Waco

Jordan graduated from the University of Colorado in 2012 with a Bachelor’s degree in finance. He joined Stages of Recovery in July of 2020, and has been in active recovery since October of 2018. Jordan was born and raised in Waco, TX. He strongly believes that working with Stages of Recovery adds purpose and meaning to life, and is one way to pass along that which was freely given to him – the opportunity to live a fulfilling life. Stages has entrusted Jordan with several responsibilities including assisting the transitional housing team at the men’s property in Waco, admissions and working as a mentor and accountability partner to men and women in our facility as part of Stage’s Client Development program. 

Stephen “Medley”

CEO and Business Development Director

Stephen “Medley” is the founding owner of Stages of Recovery, Inc. and The Door Sober Living Community. A visionary with a passion to help those in recovery, he saw a need in the community and decided to take matters into his own hands. Medley has over twenty years of recovery time. After getting clean at the age of nineteen, he knows firsthand how to show many of our younger clients that it is still possible to have fun in recovery. Medley graduated from Texas Tech University as a member of the Collegiate Recovery Community at the Center for the Study of Addiction and Recovery with a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration. Medley is the leader of the company and an inspiration to all staff members. Medley understands the power of knowing why; why we made poor decisions and the importance of knowing and remembering why we don’t want to make them again.  

“I’m passionate about helping individuals realize and reach their dreams by focusing on their WHY.”