The children of those struggling with alcohol abuse often live in chaos. They experience situations their peers may never know about because of their parent’s addiction. Children of parents who are alcoholics learn not to trust at an early age.
It is typical for a parent to tell children to hide their drinking problem. Children learn it is alright to lie for a parent, and the line between right and wrong begins to blur. If a parent allows a child to skip school to aid their alcohol abuse, education for the child becomes less critical.
Without knowing it, children become enablers of their parent’s addiction. The enabling begins with children taking care of their parents and perhaps younger siblings. In these situations, the child often handles responsibilities such as doing the dishes, making dinner, or paying bills. Whatever the parent instructs the child to do, the child often does so to avoid conflict.
There are few, if any, benefits for children growing up with alcoholic parents. As adults, they can draw direct lines from many of their life problems back to their childhood. Adults of alcoholic parents usually have many aspects in common.
Adult children of alcoholic parents tend to share certain personality traits and characteristics with their parents. Janet Woititz, an American psychologist, focused much of her career on studying the impact alcoholic parents had on their children.2 Her research is well-known in therapeutic and recovery circles.
Janet Woititz listed several personality traits that adult children of alcoholics often have in common, including:
Adult children often want to feel like they belong and seek approval from outside themselves, but they may not know how to feel “normal.” It becomes challenging to hold a job, keep a relationship, and maintain a home.
Before Dr. Woititz’s landmark research, Tony A. an adult child of alcoholic parents, developed and published his list of characteristics that children of alcoholic parents develop because of their environment.3 He named those traits “The Laundry List,” and it includes:
As a result of Tony A.’s list, other adult children of alcoholic parents began to form communities. Most importantly, people began to heal and no longer felt alone.
There are similarities between Dr. Woititz’s and Tony A.’s lists. Growing up with alcoholic parents is isolating and traumatic for children. They learn to distrust and fear adults while thriving on codependency behavior. Children of parents who were alcoholics often mature into troubled adults.
Adult children of parents who struggled with alcoholism think differently than other adults. Four distinct adverse childhood experiences have ramifications long into adulthood:
Parents with alcohol abuse issues tend to be interested in one thing: their next drink. It is not uncommon for them to ignore their children to the point of neglect. Neighbors, family, or school personnel may step in to see why the children are hungry, dirty, or experiencing personality changes.
When alcoholic parents become abusive, childhood becomes a nightmare. That nightmare continues long into adulthood as adult children struggle to deal with the anger, fear, and other emotional baggage from their youth.
PTSD is a severe mental disorder that may occur in the children of alcoholic parents. Children who have experienced abuse of any kind are likely to have long-term traumatic effects. As adults, they may have tried to forget about those memories, but the trauma still negatively impacts their lives.
It is common for children of alcoholics to begin using alcohol at a young age themselves. Alcoholism is known to run in families, and adults may try to cope with the negative memories of their childhood through substance abuse. Additionally, parents who are alcoholics may encourage their children to drink with them.
Adult children of alcoholic parents should address and aim to overcome their adverse childhood experiences to have a fulfilling life. Negative experiences from childhood that have no closure continue to fester and may cause irreparable harm to one’s wellbeing.
Adults who grew up in an alcoholic home tend to have difficulty developing and keeping normal relationships. They did not have healthy relationships modeled for them as children, and they may only know about unhealthy relationships.
Tony A. referred to this factor as being “para-alcoholic.”4 The term describes someone who does not drink but reacts in distinct ways because someone else close to them drank. Over time, this term has evolved to “co-alcoholic” and then to “codependent.”
If you do not want to end up like your parents, take the first step towards the rest of your life. There are several ways you can deliberately change your thinking and behavior. It is challenging to do this on your own but having a support system makes it easier and holds you accountable.
A variety of 12-step groups exist to support various family members and loved ones of people suffering from addictions. The 12-step support groups for adult children of alcoholics, often abbreviated as ACoA, bring together survivors of parental alcoholics who learn. ACoA helps these individuals overcome issues related to their childhoods.
Adults victimized as children because of parental alcohol abuse may seek additional support in support groups that focus on sexual assault. There are also groups for codependency and other issues that may have developed out of a dysfunctional childhood.
In addition to these groups, you may decide you need treatment to get over your addiction. Sudden alcohol withdrawal can be fatal, so it is vital to take the proper steps towards treatment.
One of the most unfortunate outcomes for adult children of alcoholics is that they may develop substance use disorder as well. Seeking treatment is the best decision you can make for this situation. Physicians and certified professionals help to end alcohol consumption in the safest way.
Sudden withdrawal of alcoholism can lead to death, so treatment must be overseen by a professional. The following are ways to treat extreme alcohol use disorder:
Several types of therapies help adult children of alcoholic parents address unresolved issues from their childhood. Therapy helps these patients stand firmly and confidently in adulthood. Therapies are an essential part of extreme alcohol use disorder treatment.
A professional can help you find the correct treatment. Choosing the wrong alcoholic treatment can prolong your addiction, cause complications, or deter you from seeking proper care. You will find encouraging staff and others in recovery ready to be part of your support network.
We’re committed to fostering unbroken recovery. We provide treatment for addiction and dual diagnosis that is both life-long and life-changing. At Stages of Recovery, our continuum of care helps individuals struggling with addiction become the people they were meant to be.
If you’re looking for a safe recovery program for yourself or someone you know, there is hope. Call us today.
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